I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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