Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
