She's JV to your varsity
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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