i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
