Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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