Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
