the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
