I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
