Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
