One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
