apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Text me some of your sweat
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
