it hurts more in the daytime
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
