i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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