Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
