I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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