I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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