'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
