For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
