I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
