maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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