I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize