do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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