I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
