marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
