i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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