If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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