she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He felt like a one man threesome
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
