You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
