She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
