Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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