I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
