Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
