and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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