weddingsv make me drug and hornr
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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