I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
