I am puke
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He better not be in your backpack
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
