but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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