your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
