Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
