Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
