Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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