god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Your dad touched me again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
