God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
