How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
