i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
