I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
