Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
