Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
