haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
