I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
