Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
