she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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