Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
