i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
