I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
