Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
