Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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