Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
