is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
