So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
