I think I am morally bankrupt
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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