I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
