Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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