Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
