just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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