I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
