You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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