So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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