and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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