Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
