And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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