So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
