U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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