I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
