i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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