No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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